SOMEWHERE

Someone pretty please reveal the punchline to me.

I'm waiting earnestly to have some kind of epiphany, where I  wake up and realise how brilliant this film really was, just like the reviews say!

And just perhaps I'll realise that the issue was indeed my lack of wit or know how. I was just having a sleepy evening and somehow dodged the profound symbolism waiting to overwhelm me.

Hmmmmm...nope.

It's been a couple evenings now and I'm still as puzzled and agitated at having lost 2 hours of my life watching this stew of muddled ingredients and painfully drawn out moments.

I'm a big fan of Sofia Coppola inventions, her Marc Jacob commercials, her subtle photography, soft, vintage references and yes, interesting, although not always wildly engaging films. The cast and soundtrack of Virgin Suicides were intensely romantic, i felt like this woman from the netherlands of Hollywood royalty had touched upon something visually and emotionally that I'd only captured in my honey scented dreams.

And then of course she went and made a film that perfectly and quite scarily captured a moment in time, a sentiment appropriate for only this generation of cynics and young intellects. Lost in Translation, again, a brilliant soundtrack and performances to boot.
Mary Antoinette was purely a guilty pleasure to be tasted, partly swallowed and spat out by all.
Pretty, but also pretty vacant.
Was she a one hit wonder people were starting to ask?
Was it her heritage alone that set her up for this perfect fall?

No! I said, absolutely not!
She is classy and stylish and perfectly poised to take the prize.
What could be more appropriate than a savvy, young woman of extraordinarily royal blood lines to conquer the Hollywood dynasty?!?!

And then man oh man, she just had to go prove me wrong.
WHY????
Why did they let her make this?
I know that everyone was at the previewing of this film, Francis, Roman, Jason, the whole clan. Her husband, probably the whole band, her publicists, managers, financiers, producers and so on. And youre really telling me that not one of them, not one, could summons the courage to desperately urge her to re edit or re shoot some of the film or just shoot the film in the head.

I dont know how it works. So, its absolutely naive and ridiculous of me to assume that i do and that this calamity could have been rectified somehow at any point without risking some major losses.

I guess, what i'm asking is why did she make this film?

The story was grotesquely cliche, the acting terribly uninspiring and the music, even the music was dum. Foo Fighters and unplugged Julian Casablancas?  Who cares man???

If you have any light to shed on this, then, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeese alarm me, alert me, enlighten me. Otherwise I am destined to take shelter under this rock of deep Coppola disappointment which apparently I am but one of only few!

Sigh.